conversations are shorter. temperature is colder. and interest feels to have wavered.
i don’t know what it is about you. I saw a post the other day, and it said
"and then my soul saw you and it kind of went ‘oh there you are.’ I’ve been looking for you",
and an image of you came flashing forward. Not to say that this “thing” we have going on is eternal, because I know that isn’t what you want, but this feeling I have inside for you grows exponentially until i force a stop, and for the past few weeks I have been forcing a stop. I want so badly to see this through, to see how beautiful you can be at your absolute best, to see you smile everyday, to show you how you deserve to be treated and cared for and about; but I think i’m being forced to walk away— at least it feels as such.
I say you’re amazing, because you really are. I see so much good in you, and so much light in you. I see a heart, as bruised up as it may be from your ex, I see it— and it amazes me. You are one of the most attractive people that I have ever come to know, not just physically, but entirely. You have the most amazing personality, sense of humor, drive, and mentality—Anybody would be lucky to have you in their life.
I know, or at least I feel, that i’m not desirable. I get it. I’ve always been second rate, below par, at best average; but my heart has a string for you. I will never do you wrong, and I will honor your being day in and day out. We’re friends, and I couldn’t be happier to have you in my life. I think it’s just something I need to sort out internally and accept the fact that “this” isn’t working, or at least the “this” that I have in my head. I just want to stop it before it follows that same pattern, I can’t take that right now. Maybe i’m just not that great. I’ll never know. All I can say is that I did my best, and gave as much as I was allowed.
So, I feel like this is it.
I needed to get this off my chest, as much as my heart has sunk into the pit of my stomach, and just know my feelings are the same. I’m always going to be here.
Sorry for anything and everything. Your happiness was my only mission.